This post feels a little bit like my diary screaming out loud…however, that’s why I write, so let’s get to it…
Six months ago, I felt invincible…my body, my confidence, my life…there was a place for everything and everything was in its place. Then, about four months ago, I started to gain weight, and not just a few pounds…a grand total of almost twenty pounds…in under three months! I didn’t understand what was going on!
I have always consistently worked out and ate relatively healthy. Don’t get me wrong, I do partake in the occasional Snickers bar or scoop of ice cream. However, I have been doing that for years, and the weight has always stayed at bay. But now, something strange has started to happened. My body is shifting and changing…in weird ways. I went to the doctor, they ran tests, and nothing came back…except for the obvious…”Well Tara, you have definitely gained weight!” I looked at the doctor and thought, Well, thanks doc, that part is crystal clear!
Eventually, we came to the conclusion, that I am experiencing what is apparently very common for women once we hit the year thirty-five. Hormones shift preparing our body for what will ultimately lead to menopause. Ugh! Unfortunately, for the women in my family, we seem to experience this shift a bit earlier and with more vigor than most. Thank you genetics!
So what do I do now? What do you do when the one area of your life you could control, my physical fitness and body, can no longer be controlled? It’s a strange thing to go from being a confident person and so sure about who you are, normally comfortable in your own skin, to becoming a person who is trying to hide underneath big cover-ups and long sarongs while on a beach vacation.
And the worst part is…when I don’t physically feel my best, it starts to affect the other areas of my life. All of the sudden, my creativity felt “blah”, I didn’t feel sexy in front of my husband, and there was a storm cloud hovering over my sunny demeanor. If you know me, I don’t do cloudy very well! I believe that positivity breeds positivity and all that…but I just felt icky!
We put a LOT of stock in our physical appearance, don’t we ladies?! There is so much pressure, so many comparisons in our faces on a daily basis, it’s tough…so tough.
My husband frustratingly asked me a few weeks ago, “Why is it that you constantly raise other people up, encourage, and spread positivity to others, but you don’t give yourself the same courtesy?!” And you know what? He’s right (don’t tell him I said that though…LOL).
Why is it that while everything is exactly where it should be, and my dreams are starting to come true in more ways than one, I am over here beating myself up?! I know the answer! It’s because, it doesn’t matter how many times my husband tells me that I’m beautiful…it’s the feeling, as women, that we have to be PERFECT.
SO…what am I going to do about this? How do I get back to the Tara Rae who embraced turning thirty-five and even relished in my imperfections? The answer to this is simple as well…I slam my hand down on that RESET BUTTON!
I am WAY too hard on myself, WE ALL ARE! I put unrealistic comparisons on MYSELF…that’s me doing that, ME…NO ONE ELSE! And it’s exhausting…I’m exhausted!
I will continue to work out and set goals, because the benefits of physical fitness are important to me for a plethora of reasons! I will continue to eat healthy, because I want to feel healthy! Life is about more than that number on the scale.
I will be thirty-six years old next week, and my body is going to continue to change as time goes on…and I can’t control time. I have lost some of this new weight, but who knows if I will ever be able to get back to where I was? BUT here is what I do know…even as this body continues to age, I will continue to make sure that I am the very best version of myself for the MOST IMPORTANT REASONS…my faith, my family, my friends…my happiness.
IF YOU RESET YOUR MIND, YOU RESET YOUR PERSPECTIVE!
Give yourself grace ladies…grant yourself patience, shower yourself with confidence, let go of all the comparisons, and let yourself shine from the inside…THE REST WILL FOLLOW! Don’t get caught up in the shallow, there is SO MUCH BEAUTY in the deep!
My Best & Happily,
xoxo-Tara Rae