Here’s the truth…I LOVE being a Mom! I wanted to be a Mom more than anything else in the world, and our journey to parenthood was not an easy one (but that’s a story for another time).
Before having children, I was driven by my career. I worked long hours in the fast-paced world of Marketing Communication, and I NEVER STOPPED! I was proud of what I had achieved, I had worked very hard to get there…but more importantly, back then I knew who I was. My identity was clear…I was the girl who was obsessed with achieving my goals and whether they were personal or professional…I normally achieved them. My life was a list of check marks…and check, check, check…I was great at checking the box!
Now, let’s be clear…life was NOT perfect…nope, not at all…there was A LOT of mess in between the achievements, but I powered through the uncontrollable things that were happening in my life and focused on the things that I could control. If you haven’t already guessed…yes, I am admittedly a bit of a control freak!
Fast-forward…I now have two beautifully mischievous boys, and after my oldest son turned 6 months old…I quit work! This girl quit work! This was something I NEVER thought I would do! I always just assumed I would work after having children, but something changed…a cosmic shift occurred in my brain and all I wanted to do…my only goal in life…was to be the best Momma and wife that I could possibly be.
It was blissful for the first few years…I relished each moment and thanked my lucky stars that I was able to stay home with my little nuggets of joy, but then something happened. I was embarrassed and ashamed to admit it, but like a sack of bricks knocking me upside the head…it just hit me…I began to feel unfulfilled, resentful when my husband left town for work yet again, annoyed a lot of the time, and utterly invisible. At first it didn’t make sense to me, I had prayed for and fought so hard for our babies…how dare I feel anything but sunshine, unicorns, and rainbows, right? But still…like a spider crawling up my spine, it was there…ever so slightly…the need for more began to creep in!
I had become what I thought was a picture-perfect Mom and wife, but I had lost my “shine.” My husband, Brian, noticed it too, and one night while I sat on the floor robotically folding laundry once again, he said, “What’s going on? You don’t seem happy.” He was right.
Now don’t get me wrong…I felt thankful. I was so appreciative of our life. I loved my babies and my husband more than words, and I knew that I was #blessed, BUT something was missing…I was missing…I felt like a shell of the old me, and I no longer knew who I was anymore.
I explained this to Brian. I went on and on about how lost I felt and how guilty I felt for feeling like I needed more than our children and the life we had built…he looked at me like men do when women are over analyzing a situation, and simply said, “Do something about it. Do all the things you have ever wanted to do.” It wasn’t rocket science, was it? But yet, it felt unnatural to ask myself what I wanted…I had been so focused on serving everyone else for so long, I felt selfish for even thinking about what I wanted…or better put, what I needed. We all know that Moms don’t come first…WRONG!
Now hold on Momma Bear, yes, in the natural sense, of course, our children will always come first…but I finally realized that when Momma/Wifey are happy, my whole house was so much happier!
So…little by little, I started to get my “shine” back! I went back to teaching part-time at a local university, something I loved and used to do once a week while in the corporate world. I finished the novel that had been collecting dust in my drawer for 8 years. I am sending it out to agents as we speak. And oh yeah, I get rejections everyday…but I smile each time I do, because it means I am fighting for a dream, and I want my boys to see their Momma chase something with her whole heart even if she epically fails. I started taking adult hip hop classes…who knew you would lose the ability to move your hips after having children, but my groove gets better with each class I take! I did two obstacle course races just because I had always wanted to see if I could do it (not going to lie, the second one was a monster, and I struggled to finish it). I pulled out my old song writing books and started singing and writing music again. I began trying new workouts until I found one I loved…and the best part is, I am taking my beautiful family along for the ride. You may be thinking…I don’t have time for any of that, but the thing is, YES YOU DO! I found ways to incorporate “me time” at the most unexpected times.
And let me just put this out there, when you start to operate “out of the box” or follow your dreams…you are often times met with resistance, even from the most surprising places. And likewise, you get support from the most incredible places…people who I hadn’t talked to in years reached out, friends who I love encouraged me to push myself even further and do more. Having a solid tribe of women around you that support you and lift you up is the golden ticket in life ladies!
Here’s the deal…a great mentor and colleague told me today…”Tara, you are onto something here, because it is easy to convince people they need to take the time for themselves, but it is hard to convince them that they deserve it!” How true is that!? When did it become selfish to take care of yourself!?
And here’s the biggest shift I have experienced throughout all of this…I DON’T CARE ANYMORE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK! Hello, my name is Tara, I am 35 years old, and it took me 35 years to finally stop worrying about other people’s opinions of me…another flaw of mine, I am a HUGE people pleaser. But no more! I have begun living my life for myself, my amazing boys, my sexy husband, and the family and friends who encourage and truly support me, because they are what I care about most in this world…and it feels AMAZING!
So…THE WHY…why did I start this blog? I wanted to make a place that was only about things that bring “the happy”…no negativity here folks…just a one stop shop to all the feels! Be leisurely in your life, take the time…whether it’s 20 minutes or 2 hours…do something that makes you smile…it truly is as simple as it sounds, and I am here to get you started!!
14 thoughts on “The Why…”
Tara, I love your message and I know you’re going to be an inspiration to many women. I’m so glad to see you following your dreams and passions. Everyone deserves some ME time. I look forward to many more blogs to come. Cheers to following your dreams…. Love you Sis!
Thank you!! Love you!
I love this !!!!! Can’t wait to read more
Thank you so much! I can’t wait to see your blog in action!!!
This is amazing!!! I love it!
I can’t wait to read more. You may not realize it but we have more in common than you know sister lol
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it! I know it girl, I think we ALL have a lot more in common than we realize!
Love everything about this and excited to read more! Love you!
Thank you so much girl! Love you!
Seriously cuz??? This is the best. You had me on the first sentence. I’ll be 54 next week and I’m just now realizing who I am. I always thought I knew but I didn’t know wholeheartedly. I’m finding out now what you are realizing at 35. Joey is 25 and out of the house and I still want to be a stay-at-home mom. HAHA…to Annie…my sweet doggie. LOL Love you and I’m so proud of you. I can’t wait to keep reading. Can’t wait for the novel.
Thanks Mick!! I think that learning who you are is an on-going journey…I hope that you continue to pleasantly surprise yourself as you explore what it means to be an empty-nester! Love you!
Loved reading this! Thank you!
Thank you for reading girl!! I hope you are doing well!!
Omg…its like you took the words right out of my mouth. Like being just a shell of yourself, lost my shine, feeling selfish because of your hard journey to parenthood. I’m so excited for you Tara! And I’m excited to follow along and read more. 🙂
Thank you so much!! I appreciate your input, and I am so glad that I have written something that others can relate to…it’s always a little soul-baring when you just lay it all out there!!